I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Someone signed my nipple.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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