I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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