we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
