can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
