Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
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It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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