The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I have demons in me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
