is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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