Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
