Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
