This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
