Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
