"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
