She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
