she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have aggressive nipples.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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