I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
