Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The maid of honor just puked.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think my vagina is haunted
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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