just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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