he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
we're so committed to being not committed
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
