That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
