My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...