please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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