the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.