i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
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I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.