Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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