I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I look better un-naked...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
