I wannas sexs uuuuu
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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