Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
