My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
