so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
