4 words: hood of his car
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
