idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Everyone says I win the strip club
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
