it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
