Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
