Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
