Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
