I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
is that a dick in a sweater?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
