I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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