i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
