I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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