She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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