remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
