we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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