i permit you to call me
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
