At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
