after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
