so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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