were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
