imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
