Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
