He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
