I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
