i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
