You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize