You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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