I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
