the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
