I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
