I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize