i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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