the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
