I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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