Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just google imaged poop.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
