the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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