Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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