note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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