I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
