i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
