Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
